Teaching ADHD Coping Skills When You Have ADHD Too

  One of the strangest parts of being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult is realizing that while you're learning how your own brain works, you're also trying to teach your children how to navigate theirs.

As a parent, I've spent years helping my kids develop coping skills for their ADHD. Things like using planners, setting reminders, creating routines, breaking tasks into smaller steps, and finding systems that work for them. The funny thing is, many of those strategies were things I was already doing myself without fully understanding why.

For the most part, I thought I was pretty organized.

For years, I believed multitasking was one of my greatest strengths.

I was genuinely surprised by my ADHD diagnosis because I assumed everyone had elaborate systems for remembering appointments, keeping track of responsibilities, and making it through the day without accidentally forgetting something important.

Turns out, not everyone has seventeen backup plans for remembering to buy milk.

Now I realize a lot of those "life skills" were actually coping mechanisms.

Being diagnosed later in life has given me a unique perspective as a parent. When my children tell me they're overwhelmed, can't focus, forgot something important, or feel frustrated because their brain won't cooperate, I understand in a way I couldn't before.

But it's also humbling.

Because sometimes I'm standing there teaching them a skill that I'm still trying to master myself.

We're learning together.

I still remember the day my youngest noticed I was quietly breathing through some anxiety. Without missing a beat, they looked at me and said, "Oh, I can see you need a minute. I'll come back."

First of all, rude.

Second, I was incredibly proud.

We're figuring out how to use calendars consistently. How to manage time without falling into the classic ADHD trap of, "I have plenty of time," right before discovering we need to leave in three minutes. We're learning how to recognize burnout before it knocks us flat, how to ask for help (still a work in progress over here), and how to give ourselves grace when things don't go according to plan.

Most importantly, we're learning how to pivot when something derails our day without letting it completely ruin our day.

Some days I feel like a tour guide leading my kids through territory I'm only a few steps ahead of them in.

And maybe that's okay.

I don't think our children need parents who have everything figured out. I think they need parents who are willing to learn, adapt, and show them that struggling doesn't mean failing.

I've always been a big advocate for taking ownership of our mistakes, our challenges, and the things we need to work on. That's how we grow. Not by pretending we're perfect, but by acknowledging where we're struggling and finding ways to move forward.

If anything, my ADHD diagnosis has helped me become more compassionate toward my children and toward myself.

We're all just trying to build a toolbox full of strategies that help us thrive.

Some days we're using those tools like seasoned professionals.

Some days we're wandering around the house wondering where we put the toolbox.

And honestly?

That's part of the journey.

That's part of the growth.

And if I’m lucky, one day our kids will teach me a few new tools we didn't know we needed.