My Brain Watched Love Happens. I Overthought It.

Has anyone seen Love Happens? I put it on tonight hoping to unwind, but my brain had other plans and decided to pace in circles instead. It took a little extra effort to settle in. I hadn’t watched this movie in years, and it got me thinking… have you ever revisited a film after a long time and realized it hits completely differently now?

I’m sitting here watching it, and the main male character writes a whole book after losing his wife about being “A-OKay” and turning lemons into lemonade. Lots of talk about smiling a certain number of times a day until it becomes natural. Very “fake it till you make it.”

And sure, that idea looks shiny on the surface. But underneath, it skips the messy, human parts of grief and healing. With ADHD, “fake it till you make it” doesn’t just wobble, it presses all the wrong buttons at once.

I’ve never felt like it works for me. I tend to default to brutal honesty. I’ve gotten better over the years at softening the delivery and not blurting out every thought that passes through my head, but being “societal-standard polite” still takes a surprising amount of mental energy. Which is probably why large crowds feel overwhelming. I’m not just present. I’m performing. 🎭

I also judge myself way too harshly. If I manage to get things done or behave “normally,” it usually comes at a cost. The energy it takes to not be too much sometimes becomes… too much. And when I’m masking or pretending I’m okay, I internalize how hard things actually are, which only adds to the weight.

So today, I’m choosing to meet myself where I am and take baby steps forward. Tomorrow might look different, and that’s fine. Growth doesn’t need a highlight reel.

And to anyone who finds me a little hard to be around sometimes… I was going to apologize. But actually, no. I’m doing my best, even when my brain is running laps in the background, and empathy isn’t too much to ask.