CEO of the Chaos

Do you ever stop and wonder how you managed to have children and somehow manage both them and yourself? Coping skills, right? I’ve had years and years of practice at this thing called coping. Now I’m also helping my neurodivergent children make sense of the world around them, while teaching them that their ADHD isn’t a flaw. It’s a superpower.

Most days, I feel like the CEO of my kids’ lives. I’m coordinating snacks, school forms, after-school activities, carpools, and bedtime routines. Other days, I can’t find my keys, my phone is in the fridge or freezer (true story), I’ve slept through my alarm thanks to a deep sleep I never want to leave, and I’m woken up by a child who somehow has their life more together than I do. Honestly, kudos to them.

If you struggle with executive function like I do, forgetfulness, disorganization, losing track of time, then being the “manager” of a child is challenging, to put it mildly. But after years of trial, error, and a lot of “oops, we’re late again,” I’ve figured out a few strategies that actually work for me, and sometimes even work for my kids.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is flexibility. Flexible thinking. Flexible schedules. And a whole lot of patience. When all else fails, deep breathing. Insert cheesy mantra here. 😅

Executive functions are something we rely on every single day, and they don’t always want to cooperate. They help us plan, prioritize, multitask, and remember. Parenting asks for all of these at once, usually while someone is asking for a snack, attention, or your phone number for the hundredth time before noon.

There are a lot of us walking around feeling like we’re failing. You’re not failing. You’re parenting while fighting an invisible boss battle every day.

I’ve reached a point where I simply cannot remember everyone’s schedules, activities, and responsibilities in my head. So I stopped trying. Instead, I built systems. I’m sure many of you use these already, but truly, I don’t think I’d get half of what needs to be done without them.

I also had to learn to stop beating myself up when I forgot something. Forgetting didn’t mean I was lazy or irresponsible. It meant I needed better support. So instead of trying harder to remember everything, I stopped relying on memory altogether.

Here’s what helps us:

• One shared family calendar. Visible, simple, and accessible to everyone. As my kids have gotten older, they even add their own events, after asking if it fits into the schedule. Most days I skim quickly, make sure it doesn’t overload us, and approve it.

• Alarms and reminders. Not vague “don’t forget” alerts, but clear prompts like “Leave for pickup in 10 minutes.” This one is vital for me. I get lost in my head and suddenly time disappears. I set reminders an hour before an activity, then another when it’s actually time to go.

• Checklists for routines. Morning, bedtime, school days. These save my sanity. Chore charts help too, not just for the kids, but for me. I couldn’t tell you who has dish duty on what day, but it’s posted on our pantry door for everyone to see.

• Predictable homes for essentials. Backpacks, shoes, chargers, forms. If it doesn’t have a home, it disappears. I love organization, sometimes to the point where my organization has organization. I try not to overthink it. Simple systems work best.

Systems may be boring. However I need them in order to function, thus allowing me more time to be creative without the worries/stress of what Im forgetting.