You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup… Noted

I have a lot of mom friends. I’ve been incredibly fortunate to build a village of women I can call when I’m having a rough day. When I was younger, I remember my mom threatening me with all the kindness she could muster, “One day you’ll have a kid just like you. Just wait and see.” I didn’t realize she meant I’d have four mini versions of myself running loose in society. 😉

I’d apologize… but honestly, I kind of love my outspoken, sarcastic, thoughtful kids.

That said, raising children is not for the weak. It’s exhausting. They start out cute and squishy, needing you for everything, and then slowly grow into independent humans with opinions and emotions of their own. Most days, I cheer my kids on. My goal has always been to raise children who can take care of themselves and grow into decent human beings. And let’s be real, parenting has ups and downs. If you have teenagers, those ups and downs can happen in the same day… sometimes in the same hour.

I talk with my friends often, and usually someone mentions the exhaustion. Kids refusing meals that were lovingly prepared. Toys and messes piling up until it’s easier to clean it yourself than ask again. Needing to hide in the bathroom just to get five quiet minutes. I even got a call the other day from a friend who had ducked away for a moment and decided to call me while hiding.

I want to take a moment to recognize that particular friend.

She is amazing. The kind of person who supports you with love even on your worst days. She has a way of saying things that instantly make you feel like you’re doing better than you think you are. When my kids were little and I was exhausted, she somehow always knew exactly what I needed to hear.

Right now, she’s having a hard season. Like so many parents, she’s exhausted, overextended, and just trying to make it through each day. She’s been putting off taking care of her own needs because her plate feels too full. I reminded her that it’s okay to call the doctor. That caring for herself matters. That she can’t pour from an empty cup, and her family needs her healthy. I have strong opinions about self-care, but only because I was very bad at it for a long time.

During that conversation, she said, “I just knew if I called you, you’d lift my spirit.” There she was struggling, and I was offering advice based on similar challenges we’ve faced over the years. Somewhere in that exchange, while I was trying to encourage her, she said something I needed to hear too. She’s magical like that. She doesn’t even realize how special she is. Truly one of a kind.

Sometimes I think we feel like we’re failing the most when we’re not taking care of ourselves. How can we care for everyone else if we’re quietly falling apart?

So if you’re hiding in the bathroom right now, scrolling for a minute of quiet, I see you. Take the breath. Make the call. Drink the coffee, tea, cocoa or pop of your choice. You’re doing important work, and you don’t have to do it empty.